Anxiety Write Up

 

Your mind, your thoughts, what are you thinking about right now? In this state of mind, no one is safe and apparently you may just want to take your life or fall asleep for so long in which there is no return. Some people may want to drink up until they get drunk too much and become unaware of their surroundings. This is what we usually call “the answer” however one must realize that once you become sober, you will just go back to reality and being drunk will just help you for a couple of hours or maybe a day tops but not gonna solve whatever you are facing. What I want to focus this time is the problem of anxiety. Anxiety is when one thinks too much of things wherein they may lose hope and they worry to much mainly because of their past or maybe something about the present or future. The truth is, if you suffer from this, it is hard to get out from it. 

In so many times, I wanted to go in a place alone, like an empty room, a beach or even on a mountaintop. I want to scream, I want to let it all out but the truth is, a chapel or a church really helps a lot in this kind of scenario in my life however during at this point, it seems that nothing can help me. Am losing hope and I just want to be on a solitary confinement. Additionally, I just want to point out that I am not attempting to end my life whatsoever, I just want the pain to go away and ending my life isn’t going to be very helpful, it will just make things even worse although it will surely make some people very happy about it. Who knows, maybe there are some who are just waiting for my demise. This belief of mine has been with me for years and it seems to not being removed ever since. Of course I want this to be erased however it seems to be not being the case on this process. 

Ironically, I just want to be happy in my life even though I know for myself that this is hard to achieve if I am on this state. It is odd for me to say that I wanted to be happy as I always prefer the sad side cause I know for myself that I do not deserve to be happy but that is the very wrong belief in life if I truly have Christ in me. I should not be looking at this in this way. I should be considering happiness as well. Every person deserves to be happy. We might be too focused on past failures or future fears but we seem to have forgotten that in darkness, there is also light. I know that your past could have been tragic and so it makes you worried about what lies ahead, move on. Do not focus on the negativity of life instead keep moving forward and follow the path of light. It is okay to expect the worst but hope for the best. Have faith in all things. You have a future.And I know that someone out there wants you to be happy. You deserve to be happy.